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Joke of the Day

"Two guys are peeing off the side of a high bridge. First guys says: ""Water sure is cold."" Second guys says: ""And deep"""

"Lifeguards wouldn't let Obama in the pool because he had weeping *legions*"

"I've been reading the dictionary. Spoiler alert: ""zyzzyva""!!"

"A woman walks up to me and says ""give me 12 inches and make it hurt"".... So i banged her 4 times and hit her w/ a brick"

"Where do ants keep their armies? in their sleevies"

"Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse? It got angry and bit at the champ!"

"*puts on headphones *cranks ""Eye of the Tiger"" *downs energy drink *laces up Nikes *runs out into 13 weather *runs back inside *Naps"

"Facebook is pretty much the Wal-Mart of the internet."

"[1st time on phone with a girl] I've got butterflies in my stomach It's so cute that you're nervous [eating 2nd bowl of butterflies] huh?"

"Why is a baby like an diamond? Because it's a dear little thing."