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Joke of the Day

"Nurse: Where does it hurt? Me: *Points to heart* Nurse: Awwww that is so cute! Me. *COLLAPSES FROM HEART ATTACK*"

"What do you call gay potatoes? Homofries!"

"99% of my socks are single. You don't see them crying about it."

"The weather data was unclear."

"The thing you don't know about soy milk is... It's really just introducing itself in Spanish. ""Soy milk"""

"I often think if I'd taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now."

"I love to purposefully mispronounce French words, but you need to do it around the right people, otherwise they act like its a huge fox pass."

"How can you tell that Caitlyn Jenner was once a man? Because she's better at being a woman than most women are."

"Trump isn't the scariest president. That Rushmore guy had four heads..."

"I'm not an olympic sprinter, I just run like one when my ex wants to talk."