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Joke of the Day

"My grandpa slept in snow in the Battle of the Bulge & I'm considering throwing out this cup of water bc it has some tiny floaty things in it"

"Excuse, where is the opposite sidewalk? Right there (points). -Can't be, right there they told me it was here."

"How do you tell if a feminist is on their period? You can't."

"What did the dog say after stepping off a sailboat? Wharf!"

"A performative poet from Hibernia Rhymed himself into a hernia He became quite adept At this practice, except For the occasional non-sequitur"

"Why did the skinhead have Velcro on his boots? He was a lacist."

"How to Make A Cat Go Woof"

"My girlfriend is like my car... Stolen property"

"23% of traffic accidents involve cell phone use, but 77% do NOT involve cell phone use. Statistics don't lie. It's safer to use your phone."

"What is with 2016? It's like everyone and their mothers are dying. ^^sorry ^^not ^^sorry"