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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Who is it? Me [hand over phone]: The police, they say it's now illegal to fake throw a ball Dog in other room: [hangs up his phone]"

"My wife dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled, ""You're being charged with being good in bed..."" After two minutes she said she was dropping the charge due to lack of evidence."

"My neighbor knocked on my door at 2am last night. 2 am! Can you believe it? How rude. Luckily I was already awake playing my drums."

"What's similar between Gump and Trump? They are both mentally challenged and ""just felt like runnin'"""

"My friend and I were playing 'biggest number', and for my number I simply multiplied his number by itself. I won fair and square."

"I think the worst part about making your own porn movie is . . . . . .when the couple hear you in the cupboard"

"How do you make an Ethiopian grow? Just add water."

"Is there such a thing as filthy clean? Let's take a shower together and find out."

"Looks like Subway finally has a good excuse for their footlongs being less than 12 inches Anything under 12 is better for Jared."

"*Plots revenge by getting a job at a fast food restaurant and waiting for nemesis to drive thru and not putting a straw in their bag*"