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Joke of the Day

"Remember when all bombs looked like a black bowling ball with a giant wick in the top? Yep, simpler times."

"What do comedians do when they get tired of doing standup comedy? Sitcoms"

"What do Beethoven's 9th and a dead baby have in common? They're both D-composed."

"I got some weed and hoes. Let's do some gardening!"

"[Who Wants to be a Millionaire] Me: I'm stumped. Can I phone a friend? Host: What's your friend's name? Me: Wikipedia."

"What kind of superhero would Caitlyn Jenner be? An Ex-Man."

"Chuck Norris has only farted once. The last time that he did, the universe was created."

"""Yo bro this horse is actin a little weird"" ""Dude thats my dog get off"" ""why is ur horse so small"" ""Its a DOG"" Why u pronouncing horse weird"

"I just did an alignment on my car... But my car still pulls into crowds :("

"[me holding a door] PRETTY GIRL: [over her shoulder] thanks. ME: sorry, i'm married, but in time you'll get over me."