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Joke of the Day

"special thanks to people on yahoo answers who have asked literally every question ive ever googled"

"I'll have a salad but on top of a burger with cheese ""So you want a cheeseburger?"" Yes but when you bring it to me say here's your salad"

"Mickey Mouse's lawyer calls... ...And tells him, ""Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because shes 'crazy'"" and Mickey responds, ""I didn't say she was crazy, i said she was fucking goofy!"""

"I just had sex with Jesus Christ I wasn't prepared for his second coming."

"I was going to try and convert my friend to nihilism. But I decided it would be pointless."

"I'm not saying the police are over zealous but I was arrested yesterday for singing ""come on baby light my fire."" They said it was inflammatory."

"A dog walks into a bar and orders several strong drinks. He appears to be sad. The bartender asks him, ""Why are you ordering so many drinks?"". The dog responds, ""I've had a ruff day."""

"How many frames per second does it take to screw in a light bulb? 30 because that's peasants work."

"Your girlfriend should never be jealous of another woman. Instead, you should do your best to make other women jealous of her."

"You know your girlfriend is fat when... When she fits into your wife's cloths."