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Joke of the Day

"What happens when a necrophiliac goes to a funeral? He gets mourning wood."

"Two men walk into a bar. The third one should've seen it coming."

"I tried hypnotizing my wife but *cluck* I think *cluck cluck* something went wrong is that *cluck cluck cluck* corn on the ground?"

"I don't see the point in my elderly neighbour subscribing to local newspapers ..... If all she is going to do is let them pile up outside her door."

"I'm still a little pissed we didn't get to keep the tail through the evolutionary process."

"Crossing guards get mad when you call them what they really are... Human Traffic-ers."

"Did you hear about the constipated Mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil."

"[At a psychic fair] Psychic: Ask whatever you want to know. Success? Work? Love? Money? Me: Can you tell me where my car keys are?"

"What do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe-Wan Kenobi"

"To save money, instead of going to the club, I just get drunk at home and yell ""what?"" into a mirror over and over."