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Joke of the Day

"Thanks to ChristianMingle, I met the woman I will put through a terrifying emotional rollercoaster before I finally come out of the closet."

"Why did the man with one butt cheek get fired? He did everything half-assed."

"Neighbor thinks I'm stalking her. Any time she hears a noise she is purified. Petrified! Sorry, not easy reading a diary thru binoculars."

"A really hot girl was checking me out today. Then I paid her for the groceries and left the store."

"Guy:Hey what are you doing? Girl:unzipping it Guy:why? Girl:I want to see how big it is. .. *Unzips tent and gets inside* Girl:nice, nice.."

"If you ever see me in a restaurant, please approach my table and do your Drunk Uncle impression. Especially if I'm with family or a girl."

"BAD MATH JOKE TIME. For pi day, my friend was selling pies as a fundraiser, so because I love pie, I decided to buy two. I went from 0 to 2. I went absolutely nowhere."

"I decided to get a tattoo of a cross Because I want people to know that not only am I religious, but I also lack creativity and am an asshole."

"*Tinkerbell sprinkling pixie dust* Remember Peter, give me a call if it last longer than 4 hours."

"I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig. It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep."