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Joke of the Day

"My friend handed out wedding invitations at her baby shower, like the classless knocked up slut she is."

"The best way to get your kid to play with 800 toys at once is to tell then you're going to donate them to charity."

"They should really replace, ""I now pronounce you man and wife"" with ""FINISH HIM!!"""

"What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run - she is still holding the grenade!"

"In the song ""Fancy,"" why do Iggy Azalea and Charli XCX sing about getting drunk on the mini bar? Because they only wanted to get a little drunk."

"Culturally speaking... Having a McDonald's in a WalMart is like finding a cyst in a tumour."

"Why did the girl get grumpy after anal sex? She was butthurt."

"I got a nice Rolex from the lesbian couple next door after they asked me what I wanted for my birthday. It's a cool gift and all, but I think they misunderstood me when I told them I wanna watch."

"A Roman guy walks into a bar... He holds up two fingers and says ""Five beers please!"""

"- Doctor, kiss me! - I can't. We, the doctors, follow a very strict work ethic that does not allow us to kiss our patients. Honestly speaking, I should have never even fucked you in the first place!"