14835

Joke of the Day

"The worst thing you could hear after orally pleasing Willie Nelson. I'm not Willie Nelson."

"I was watching Jurassic park the other day, when I thought, ""Not only does my son have a stupid name, but he's also a shit driver""."

"Funny joke I heard during christmas Two nuns are sitting in a tub and one says to the other ""where's the soap"" and the other nun replies ""yes it does""."

"I'm not a liar. I have an English degree; I'm an unreliable narrator."

"I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet I don't know Y."

"Bae: Come over. Romeo: Can't. You're a Capulet, I'm a Montague. Bae: Deny thy father and refuse thy name; come over. Romeo: Also, you're 13."

"""sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?"" ""officer, I'm..."" *turns to camera* ""double jointed"" *cop starts breakdancing*"

"A woman turns to her husband and asks... ""Dear, how many women have you slept with?"" He replied, ""Just you dear, the other ones kept me awake."""

"I had phone sex for the first time the other day... My dick got stuck in the 8! I tried to dial 911 but that just made it worse! It was a rotary!"

"Is Google a he or a she... Is Google a he or a she? A: A she, no doubt, because it wont let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas."