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Joke of the Day

"Mam: ""Which book has............ Mam: ""Which book has helped you the most in your life?"" Student: ""My father's check book!"" :) Like if you agree............."

"Voldemort: So I just have to lie? Pinocchio: Yep"

"a fun pastime in America is driving teenage starlets into utter madness and then enjoying a hearty laugh afterwards"

"My late wife was abducted by a troupe of travelling Mime artists. The police informed me, they did... Unspeakable things to her."

"Why can't Bruce Jenner drive a KIA? Because they have tranny problems too"

"Two balloons are floating in the desert. one balloon says to the other, ""hey! watch out for that cactussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss"""

"Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. ""Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?"" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!"

"The Simpsons need to have an episode where Arsenal win the Champions League"

"Give me five hundred good reasons you think I'm too demanding."

"Today TO DO list: 1) vacuum huge spider in living room 2) panic 3)throw vacuum cleaner outside 4)buy new spiderless vacuum"