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Joke of the Day

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back with two police officers, you'll know that setting them free was a bad idea."

"My girlfriend told me she is sick of me quoting movies all the time I said quite frankly my dear I don't give a damn"

"When I lost my rifle the army charged me $85.That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. Sometimes shit happens"

"How do you escape a fascist authoritarian regime? By getting aboard (a) voat"

"HER: Impress me. ME: I own a record label- HER: Ooooooo ME: er. A record labelER. It makes labels for my Abba vinyls."

"My friend told me to sing Wonderwall I said maybe."

"What do peasants do in their spare time? They serf"

"A drum solo but on your face."

"Currently I'm dating a anorexic chick. but lately I've been seeing less and less of her."

"I'm so horny... ..even the crack of dawn looks good."