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Joke of the Day

"wife: how is it outside? me: windy. almost blew one kids hat off and some guy's trying to figure out how to get his smart car out of a tree"

"Q: How do small people call each other? A: On microphones."

"Nothing is more terrifying than putting back a shirt without folding it and then making eye contact with the shopping assistant."

"Some days you're just really stupid. 365 to be exact."

"What doesn't float to the top when it dies? A day old reddit post."

"Hehe My ewife still misses me BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER"

"We're gonna break the Twitter on Mother's Day with Your Mom jokes, aren't we?"

"If you! Use exclamation points!! This often! I want to! Smother you!! And your enthusiasm! With a pillow!!!"

"[playing limbo at Gary's house] GARY: how low can you go? *i sleep with Gary's wife* GARY: wow, that is pretty low"

"By putting the punchline in the title How do you trick /r/jokes into thinking it's a repost?"