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Joke of the Day
"What is brown and sticky? A stick!"
Next Joke
"How would the Mexican Star-Spangled Banner begin? Jose can you see"
"Me: Hello Teacher: Hello M: How's my kid doing in school? T: How's my kid doing in school? I hate parrot teacher conferences"
"This is probably going to sound really gay, but the sunset is GORGEOUS right now and I love making out with dudes."
"If by ""fetching"" you mean ""looks like I was dragged from the woods by a dog"" then yes I look fetching."
"Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white... ...so now it looks like France landed there."
"I met a Japanese mathematician yesterday Japanese Mathematician: ""Acknowledge my presence, zero"" Me: ""Can you elaborate in mathematical terms?"" Japanese Mathematician: ""Notice me sin(pi)"""
"Autocorrect just changed ""carnie"" to ""catnip"" and now all my friends think I slept with a bunch of catnips last night."
"How to use eyeliner: 1. Draw a thin line on your top & bottom eyelids 2. Oops too thick, try to even them out 3. Colour your whole face in"
"*holding a rattlesnake in each hand* These are the angriest maracas I've ever played"