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Joke of the Day

"It was a sad day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe. Not even remotely."

"I hope I get a watch for Christmas! Because there's no present like the time."

"Waiter to four women at his table in a restaurant in Boca Raton. ""Hello ladies, is ANYTHING okay?"""

"Who was the most powerful cat in China ? Chairman Miaow !"

"Love is a lot like magic, both are fake and there's always some asshole trying to ruin the illusion for you."

"Pretty sure Zinedine Zidane never forgave his parents for all the waiting he had to do for his attendance call in school."

"What's the difference between Jews and Pizza? Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven."

"I'd make a political joke here I'm just afraid it would be elected."

"What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around while I go on ahead. Credit goes to a Laffy Taffy wrapper from some years ago."

"Did you know you can just buy live lobsters? Anyway can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters"