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Joke of the Day

"Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run away too if your name was Mweauuuuuaoooeeo"

"Dyslexic Superbowl watchers were probably disappointed when they saw football instead of a superb owl."

"don't you just hate it when a zombie breaks into your home and starts doing their ironing right in front of the TV"

"I love, love, love when sports fans are homophobic. ""I don't want any gay people around while I'm staring at men for hours"""

"Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock? So he could wake up inside."

"I got drunk last night and my house wasn't where I left it."

"""Dude, we should swap spacesuits. Just for a laugh."" ""Ha, yeah ok."" [swaps suits] ""Now we sh-"" ""You took a shit in this, didn't you?"""

"Some people like cats and some people don't. Apparently the Pope's a cataholic."

"people said my days of misquoting famous idioms were over but I'm like a phoenix rising from molasses"

"I'm bored. Who wants to fall in love with me until they find someone better?"