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Joke of the Day

"Batman walks into a Wayne Enterprise meeting and starts talking stocks. He realises he forgot to change. He drops a gas pellet and runs out."

"I once knew two ranchers named Jim.... They had a thousand cattle between them. One night while unwaken. Their cattle were taken. My Jimmy's were rustled, shagrin."

"i absolutely cannot cook for shit but i was watching a child prodigy chef n was casually like ""ugh, i don't kno about that sauce"""

"When people show me pictures of their kids I show them pictures of my exes. If I have to look at their mistakes, they have to look at mine."

"Why do midgets laugh when they play soccer? Because the grass tickles their balls."

"Wet Astronaut The astronaut thought he was taking a pee but it turned out to be a piss-up."

"[trying to get a massage] How much for a happy ending? ""Sir, this is a library!"" *whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending?"

"- The DC Cinematic Universe"

"Beef jerky is already so salty... I don't understand why they give you a salt packet in the bag."

"Cops don't have penises, instead they have wieners Because they're made out of pork."