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Joke of the Day

"Look, all I'm saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time."

"TRUMP: She's too scripted HILLARY (reading from teleprompter): Mr. Trump, (voice steadily rising) Adobe Reader is ready to update"

"Bad pickup line: those jeans look very becoming on you, Then again, if I were on you I'd be coming too"

"Life is a lot like toilet paper. You're either on a roll.....or you're taking shit from some asshole."

"I learned from 'The Exorcist' That when it comes to souls, possession is 9/10 of the law. Changed slightly from a comment made by /u/boobiesucker"

"What do you call a beast made entirely from egg whites? A Meringue-u-tang!!! Note: I know it's spelled Orangutan. :P"

"Did you know Stalin got hit in the groin with a potato when he was young? That's how he became a dictator."

"Why is Dr. Frankenstein never lonely? He's good at making friends."

"Who took care of German army dogs after the war? Veteran Aryans"

"What's the difference between a Snickers and my girlfriend? Snickers satisfies."