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Joke of the Day

"All these people on FB posting pics of their kids makes feel so blessed...I don't have ugly children."

"Wife just looked at an 8""x8"" picture and estimated it to be 12""x12"". Perhaps you can see why I consider this a good thing."

"No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy's hat sideways."

"Why do people insist on saying ""You're next"" to me at weddings? Do they not realize how serial killery that is?"

"I absolutely love helium filled balloons. I can't speak highly enough about them."

"Why do cannabis smokers call that tiny device that holds the butt of a cigarette a roach-clip? ...because ""pot holder"" was already taken."

"So I was watching Fox News the other day"

"I'm confused... square box, round pizza but triangle slices."

"Rule #0 of the Internet: Nothing you put online, even for a second, can ever be taken down. Drink that in and know it."

"When people say ""Let's not get off on the wrong foot here"", I reply ""Please don't get off on either of my feet""."