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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for having sex with the bananas and fruit at the grocery store? He recently got off on appeal."

"Tweeting angrily about issues does nothing. If you really want to make a difference, you have to get out there and sign an online petition."

"The most massive object of our entire supercluster Hey, you're like the Great Attractor Thanks man No I mean like you're the heaviest thing in the known universe"

"My kid needs me to help him with a report on any famous black scientist. Can we do Dr. Dre?"

"Reddit Servers. Thanks, O Admins"

"what did the horny man say to his girlfriend? let's have sex"

"What should we call this giant advertising board? Phil: A philboard Bill: I have a better idea"

"Have you heard of the object without mass? It doesn't matter"

"By the power vested in me by this vintage merlot, I now pronounce us husband and wife. I may now kiss the bottle."

"speak, three languages you are trilingual, two, bi-lingual, what do they call you if you only speak one language? American"