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Joke of the Day

"A crime boss works part time selling grass to people in his home city... I went over to his shop and asked if I could help him with his sales. He told me to stay off his turf."

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"Best Boss to Employee Convo Boss: Have you typed the paper I needed yet? Employee: I'm sorry, I don't know how to type paper. Boss: I'll help you, but the paper might be pink."
"Tacos always smell like love, but love doesn't always smell like tacos."
"[gets on Facebook] [types ""you pushed me away but expected me to stay""] [everyone nods, this is considered extremely good shit on there]"
"Sounds like @rickygervais is an arachnophobe, and you know what that means: Deep down inside, he's a spider."
"I gave my cat a bath the other day... he liked it, but the fur stuck to my tongue."
"Yo mama so bald you can see whats on her mind"
"Why Does Paris Hilton Have a Chihuahua? Cause she doesn't want a Dog thats more intelligent than her!"
"I hope at my funeral someone has the foresight to bring a Ouija board so I can live tweet Hell."
"What do you say to someone who talked about you behind your back? You discussed me."