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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy with the perfectly average facial features. I hear it was a mean look."

"Why don't we call it Christlmas? Noel."

"Android lets you use ""Lumos"" for the flashlight, ""Silencio"" for the notifications... but not ""Incendio"". That is a Samsung exclusive."

"I started my own traffic control company. It's a slow-moving business."

"I saved a ton of money on car insurance by switching to reverse and leaving the scene."

"Got pretty embarrassed at the party last night. Totally looked like I peed my pants 'cuz I spilled my glass of pee into my lap"

"Who serves all you can eat rabbit stew? Warren Buffet!"

"Mathematicians have found a new, advanced strand of Ebola... called Hyper-bola I'm sorry :("

"WAYS TO KILL 2 BIRDS W/ 1 STONE 1 Ricochet 2 Retrieve, rethrow 3 Line up birds precisely 4 Huge boulder 5 Use lovebirds, 2nd dies of grief"

"(business meeting) *drops pen on the floor* *bends over to pick it up* *shirt comes untucked* *all the jelly beans start falling out*"