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Joke of the Day

"In movies when people go underwater, I like to hold my breath and see if I would survive in that situation. I died in Finding Nemo."

"Did you see that new porno for necrophiliacs? It's called ""Sex Feet Under""."

"""What would Jesus do?"" is an unfair question. He had superpowers. Your lifeboat is sinking. WWJD? Well, he'd get out and walk to shore. See?"

"If you cloned yourself, and then you become attracted to yourself and ended up having sex with your clone...does that make you gay, or are you just on the forefront of masturbation technology?"

"CASHIER: what, no tip? ME: here's a tip: always wear a seat belt CASHIER: no, i meant money ME: oh sorry. invest in a 401(k)"

"Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Look ask me when I get back from India okay?"

"Why was the car engine so loud, but the rest of the car terrible? Because torque is cheap"

"The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it."

"The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it."

"What did granny say after leaving her handbag on a bus? ""Allahu Akbar!"" I'm going to hell for this."