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Joke of the Day

"Breaking Celebrity News! Academy Award winning Actor, Simmons, and children's book Author, Rowling, eloped earlier today. JK"

"Hey are you from Gryfindor? Great. Can I Slytherin?"

"If you saw a heat wave.... Would you wave back?"

"Q: Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1) Divide 2) ROUND 3) RANDOM 4) On a Pentium all of the above A: Number 4."

"What is the difference between a cop and a box of chocolates? Nothing. They'll both kill your dog."

"So I'm balls deep in this guys ass and I go ahead and try to give him a reach-around... And he was hard.. How fucking gay is that?"

"Bee jokes, courtesy of my niece (age 8). What did the bee use to dry off after swimming? A *bee*ch towel. What did the bee use to get out the tangles? A honeycomb."

"Why do Muslims love shopping at Ross? Because they can dress foreless."

"My wife says I snore really bad, so I stayed awake all night to see if she if she was right. Turns out she's a liar, I didn't snore once."

"Why the chicken cross the road? To look for his cock."