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Joke of the Day

"My mom called me 4 times in a row and woke me up to tell me this joke. I'm so excited about spring i wet my plants!"

"How do you get a Harvard Graduate off your porch? You pay him for the pizza."

"What do you call a German with a cold?"

"I hate all those hooker jokes. I know there are a lot of them out there, but they all suck!"

"My friend said her neighbors came into her restaurant for a book club, turns out it was for a BDSM club. . . I guess people bond over different things."

"I was fired from the orange juice factory I just couldn't concentrate."

"""What should we call the big finger?"" ""'Thumb' seems as good as any."" ""Impressive. What about this smallest one?"" ""PINKY!"" ""............."""

"I was up all night wondering, if you get fired at the Unemployment Office, do you just switch to the other side of the desk?"

"Ever since childhood I've identified as a hippo. While other kids were playing, I savagely mauled villagers. #TransSpecies"

"Did you hear about the little skunk who got lost in the woods? He called home on his smell phone."