143093

Joke of the Day

"Apple profits have been going through the roof One might say... they're back in mac. *I'll see myself out.*"

"Have you heard about that new program that only the living can watch? You'd have to be dead to miss it!"

"Have you read that new book on antigravity? It's hard to put down!"

"I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the tube and think, 'I'll fucking have that!'"

"When Lionel Messi dies.. He should have his Argentinian team mates bury him so they can let him down one last time.."

"Why does LeVar Burton not like to travel by airplane? He usually flies twice as high."

"[Date] Me: how about a drink? get whatever floats your boat Her: thanks! i'll have a mai tai Me: *glaring* you float a boat with water karen"

"Do you like web jokes? Yes - they're e-larious!"

"Procrastination is like masturbation: it is fun and feels good but in the end you've only fucked yourself."

"why did the chicken cross the road?"