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Joke of the Day

"My sister told me she is going to become fucking rich... I didn't know she wanted to be a porn actress"

"My girlfriend's not pregnant! Edit: I have to apologize... the pregnancy test came back false *negative*... she is pregnant."

"What's the difference between Barbara Walters and Oprah? Oprahs Black"

"What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, you might as well barium."

"Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Well you have to remember that everything is energy so..."

"What part of Popeye has the smoothest skin? The part he dips in Olive Oyl."

"Donated blood today. One lucky person will wake up from an operation with the sudden ability to read 3000 tweets per hour."

"What do you call the TMNTs doing stand up comedy? April's Fools!!!"

"""Here, throw this away for me."" ~ People who hand out leaflets."

"Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said ""May I please have a cigarette?"". I can't believe kids this age are already so polite."