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Joke of the Day

"Q: What do you call a drunken Muslim? A: Mohammered."

"Getting a girlfriend is a lot like getting a car The more money you have, the more options you have."

"I will carry 17 grocery bags or die trying before making two trips."

"I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then ask me why I'm not wearing pants."

"People don't realize how hard it is to write stupid things on a regular basis."

"Today my wife asked, ""would you still love me if I was ugly and fat?"" Turns out ""Yes I do"" was not the right answer."

"as a kid, I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money. But now that I'm an adult, I think it's a tremendous amount of money"

"Just once I'd like to see an NFL coach show a little sportsmanship and wear a sweatshirt or hat with the other team's logo."

"So they told me I couldn't live in the gym but I told them... Squatters' rights."

"Muslims don't blow themselves up for virgins They're going to hell, where the women know what they're doing"