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Joke of the Day

"Someday, when I'm really old, I hope I can sit my grandchildren around my rocking chair and text them pearls of wisdom."

"I won't believe the Groundhog saw his shadow until he updates his Facebook status."

"How many prostitutes does it take to screw in a light bulb? I have no idea. I did hire four prostitutes once, but we did other stuff."

"How long is one minute? It depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on."

"How do you organize a Space Party? You Planet!"

"Dating advice: Don't just tell her you have diarrhea, show her"

"Two monkeys having a bath Two monkeys are about to have a bath. The first monkey says ""Oo oo ah ah ah!"" The second says ""Just put some more cold water in it..."""

"Friend: ""I just blew a speaker in my car."" Me: ""Which kind?"" Friend: ""Motivational."""

"Studies show ""not jokes"" are coming back and are likely to be funnier than ever. Not."

"Despite all the hype, it was a mistake hiring a homeless personal trainer. I've been high in tent city training every day, but its not helping with my goals."