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Joke of the Day

"Me: I can't believe we have $900 for Christmas gifts this year! Fridge: I don't feel well. I think I have a fever."

"The awkward moment when someone's zipper is down & you don't know whether to tell, because you can't explain why you were looking that low."

"Where do Orcish cows go to hang out? *Moooooooo*rdor."

"What kind of car does a Japanese chef drive? Rolls Rice"

"*walks out of prison, a free man. *guards shouting from gate ""From! At! For! With!"" What? ""Oh, we always end sentences with a preposition"""

"Some woman at my office just said Star Trek when we were all talking about Star Wars and now our IT guy is refusing to fix her computer."

"[at dinner] Wife: This is terrible. Me: Horrible. Waiter: Hey folks, how's your food? (simultaneously) Wife: Amazing! Me: Fantastic!"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station while the other is a busty crustacean."

"JUDGE: I find you guilty of murder. Sentenced to life. LAWYER: But it was only 20 minutes of murder. JUDGE: Oh, then you're free to go."

"My special power is reading about a disease and developing all the related symptoms within an hour."