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Joke of the Day

"Me: We need some ham. Her: I just bought a pound of ham yesterday. Me: Are you going to judge me, or are you going to buy some ham?"

"Congratulations to Donald Trump winning the presidency... May his global impact be as tiny as his hands"

"The sign on the whore house door said, ""Closed, beat it!"""

"What's better than honor? Inner"

"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad."

"Why did Leonardo Take forever to laugh at my Oscars joke? Cause he just got it!"

"Anyone ever seen Stevie Wonders house? Neither has he!"

"[At the register] ""Find everything ok?"" ""No I figured I'd get in line, pay for just a few things, then start the process all over again."""

"RT if you love puppies, rainbows or beating the shit out of strangers for not saying ""Thank You"", after you've held the door for them."

"So I was in sex-ed class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69. Apparently ""70"" was not the correct answer."