141983

Joke of the Day

"Had a dream last night.. about eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, I noticed my pillow was missing."

"Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don't have to share."

"my ex-girlfriend named my penis Trump, Because it talked a big game to get inside, left her disappointed, and she wanted to get rid of it in 4 years or less..."

"What kind of a fish does your Parrot sit on? A Perch!"

"What do you call disabled people that follow politics? A special interest group."

"what do Hitler and Terry Fox have in common? they both couldn't finish a race."

"I went out drinking last night and took a bus home That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before."

"If you drop your cellphone in water put it in a bowl of rice... It will attract an Asian who will fix it for you. (just heard from buddy of mine)"

"[talking to mcdonalds cashier] which burger has the most acai berry vitamins and superfood antioxidants?"

"Statistics never show how many accidents each year are the direct result of a guy checking out some chick's ass."