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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross a cat and an octopus? A strong reprimand from the ethics committee and immediate recission of all funding."

"Why do you have to nuke siberia twice? The first one is just to break the ice."

"People: why do dogs bark at the mail man every single day Dogs: the mailman has literally never gotten in how do you not see what I'm doing"

"I heard Monica lewinsky voted for Trump Just to fuck a Clinton one more time"

"How many South American's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A Brazilian."

"Cyclists who don't obey the rules of the road should have to wear their google search history on a t-shirt."

"Kids these days have it real easy. There weren't as many paedophiles in my day. I had to buy my own candy."

"a powerful ancient bully emerged from a lake and told some girls i didnt know how to jack off til i was 16 & used a really unorthodox style"

"The best part about Netflix is there are no commercials. On an unrelated note, does anyone know how to get urine stains out of a couch?"

"The best place to get pumpkins cheap is driving around the neighborhood at 4AM. Got 5 nice ones this morning."