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Joke of the Day

"When I die and doctors perform an autopsy, they'll probably find twenty pounds of stickers off of fruit in my intestines"

"Marriage: Betting someone half your shit that you'll love them forever."

"""Wanna play the Rape Game?"" ""No"" ""That's the spirit"""

"The Zika virus can now be transmitted sexually. Luckily, most of you have nothing to worry about."

"What's the difference between pudding pops and bill Cosbys dick? It's consensual when people eat pudding pops."

"Why do Americans drink their tea cold? Because it takes too long to boil Boston Harbor."

"My mom says I procrastinate... But I'll deal with that later"

"The Bartender replies, ""Sorry, but we don't serve particles faster than light"" A Neutrino walks into a bar"

"Hey, ancient Egyptians! I'm eating popcorn that I cooked inside a bag in under a minute. Fuck your pyramids."