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Joke of the Day

"What do you call two lesbian Indians (native americans) in a canoe? Fur Traders"

"I don't trust trees... They're a little shady... And they killed my dog."

"You know what this new carpet needs? For me to open a tube of blue toothpaste, and jump up and down on it. - My 4yo. Apparently."

"In choosing clinical logic and detached isolation over laughter and passion, you went full-Vulcan. Everyone knows you never go full-Vulcan."

"What do the English and Welsh have in common? Kids are their definition of a good time."

"Boss: OMFG man what happened to ur eye? [cut to me riding a horse into the garage door during medieval role play] ""I ran into a door"""

"What does a pickle use to make bread? Dill Dough."

"What do you call a cow that gets hit by a car? A dead cow! (My 5-year old made up this joke)"

"Why doesn't Mexico ever do well in the Olympics? Because every mexican that can run, jump, or swim is already in America."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you."