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Joke of the Day

"How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it!"

"What does having kids bring you that money simply can't buy? Poverty"

"I've started 2016 with a goal of losing 20 pounds... Seems like I've lost more, my ATM is empty"

"I like my women like I like my water Wet and slippery on the floor."

"I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia and she whispered ""They're behind you."""

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never paid money to have a garbanzo bean on my face"

"No one gave an f about his chicken when he was Lieutenant Sanders"

"It would be way cooler if whenever you punched a kid, a bunch of coins came out of them like in Mario. But ya, I'm free to babysit tonight."

"Who is the roundest knight at King Arthur's table? Sir Cumference."

"[I time travel and bring back Shakespeare] SHAKESPEARE: What's this? ME: That's a meme SHAKESPEARE: What the hell is wrong with you people"