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Joke of the Day
"If someone is spitting behind you, it means you're in front."
Next Joke
"My dog's frightened to walk across shiny floors and won't eat dog food unless I heat it up. I have a feeling he'd be a flop out in nature."
"Why won't Hillary ever pull out? She's never finished screwing people."
"I can throw rocks further than catapults. I mean, have you ever *tried* throwing a catapult?"
"What do you call research to implicate dictators of other countries for murders by biological warfare? ...Foreign sick science."
"Why wouldn't you hire bears from Australia? Because they don't have the necessary koalafications. (Derived from: http://www.neatorama.com/2014/04/07/When-Animals-Argue/)"
"I'm convinced. Some peoples' brains are still on dial-up."
"""I'm going to be famous one day"" -Unknown"
"Being successful is like getting pregnant.. ..Everyone will come to congratulate you but no one dares to ask how hard and how many times you were fucked."
"They told me not to Blink or I'd miss it... ...But I _______ and I missed it."