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Joke of the Day

"I was going to make a joke about blind people but I do not want to offend anyone on reddit."

"Why the long face? ""A horse walks into the bar and the bartender comes over and says, 'Why the long face?'"" - Not my original for sure, but always makes me smirk."

"When you call a dog they usually come to you. When you call a cat; they take a message."

"What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? Michael Phelps can finish a race..."

"Sweet dreams are made of cheese. Who am I to diss a brie. I cheddar the world and the feta cheese."

"My car is supposed to have self-inflating tires. I don't believe it though. I think they just talk a big game."

"Anytime a religious organization follows me I just assume I'm being used as a case study/example and they are praying super hard."

"Why doesn't Santa have any children? He only comes once a year and it's down a chimney."

"Why was drug addicted Moses upset when he was floating down a river? because he was in Da-Nile"

"[at a farm] Dairy cow: Oooh that tickles Sheep: Look I got a new ""hairdo"" Chicken: Cool I didn't want to know any of my children anyway"