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Joke of the Day

"I'll die fat, drunk & happy while you live healthy until you get run over by a bus... See ya at the cemetery!"

"My opinions are like my bed sheets. I only change them if it helps me get laid."

"Do you know what they feed you at Guantanamo Bay? Well after being there for 30 years, neither do I!"

"Why did the man throw his clock out the window? Cause the cheating bitch ducked."

"One of my friends recommend circumcision It wasn't all it was cut out to be"

"My friend gets offended when people tell fat jokes. I told her to lighten up."

"Until my sneezes have time to figure out their beliefs, please stop blessing them."

"Dentist says I need to be more aggressive when flossing, so I'm going to start barking."

"Why did the letter arrive wet? Because it had postage dew."

"Kids, in my day we didn't have text messaging. We had to write a ""Do you like me? Yes or no?"" note and pass it through 17 mutual friends."