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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard about the midget psychic who broke out of jail? He's a small medium at large!"

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snake about to shed it's skin. Why don't you go behind the screen and slip into something more comfortable then!"

"Roses are dead, violets are dead, ... I'm a bad gardener"

"Loneliness Status: Eating donuts and talking to the dog. He seems interested, but I think it's the donut."

"Everytime I text my new boss, his only response is FU! I should have expected it. They all told me he was a man of few words."

"Why are homeless people always laughing? Because they crack themselves up!"

"I'm gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer's."

"How do you tell the difference between a terrorist and a tenured professor? You can negotiate with a terrorist."

"My Girlfriend said she was going to leave me because of my obsession with pointing out obvious escape routes... So I showed her the door."

"The best thing about the airport is how me staring at your tits isn't creepy in your country."