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Joke of the Day

"Why do women put on makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and smell bad..."

"Me: sorry I can't go to the farmer's market with you. Allergies. Friend: pollen? Me: hipsters."

"Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities by the hand of Chuck Norris that occurred during the making of the episode."

"I save so much money by not having any money."

"What do you call a cow...? What do you call a cow that's missing a leg? Lean Beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef. What do you call a cow that's masturbating? Beef Strokin-Off"

"What's Captain Picard's favorite game system? N-Gage"

"Why don't blind people go skydiving? It scares the shit out of the dogs."

"#WhenIWasYourAge: We had to open all doors by ourselves. None of them knew we were coming."

"What do you get if you stuff your computer's disk drive with herbs? A thyme machine."

"The secretary keeps hearing music coming from the printer... I think the paper is jamming."