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Joke of the Day

"Two sheep are in a field... One says ""Baaaaaaah"" The other one says, ""Fuck, I was gonna say that!"""

"whenever I see ""likes her own status"" on facebook, a little bit of me dies and becomes a horcrux."

"Every time I hear a mean joke about being Canadian, I go right to the hospital and get my feelings checked for free."

"What do space-related scientists call themselves in Australia? Austronomers"

"I just touched a person with down syndrome. Then I shouted; ""touchdown!"""

"Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them every Monday."

"Why didn't Mark Watney get any pussy on Mars? Curiosity killed the cat"

"ME: I give you all my love and infection. HIM: Um. Don't you mean love and 'affection'? ME: ... HIM: ... ME: You should get tested."

"Overheard two doctors in the emergency ward They were discussing a patient who had arrived with six plastic horses stuck in his rectum. Described his condition as stable."

"I really wish I knew who kicked the jack under the car which I was working on........ .......... the suspension is killing me."