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Joke of the Day

"I should've never taught my parrot to say the alphabet backwards now he drives drunk all the time the cops can't do shit it's a real problem"

"Have you ever seen the house Ray Charles lived in? Neither did he."

"What do you call a homesick Asian? Disoriented"

"What do you call a herd of masturbating cows? Beef strokin' off"

"What do you call A man doing Laundry? Non-existent"

"Been chatting with this 14 year old girl. Real sexy and flirty. Things are going great, but now she tells me she's an undercover cop. How fucking cool is that for someone her age."

"Time = Money because you SPEND it!"

"I think weed is messing with my memory. I can't remember shit anymore! I think it's because weed is messing with my memory."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Frozen Barbie on a Stick ...in your grocer's frozen food section"

"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel."