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Joke of the Day

"If you really think about it. Its kind of weird ""yoga pants"" are worn so much. That's like a guy wearing baseball pants to go get groceries"

"If you #Calexit-ers think you hate Trump NOW... Just wait until you have to foot the bill for the Californian extension of The Wall."

"A disease that kills you and can only be spread through the transmission of bodily fluids. Are we sure we're not talking about marriage?"

"What's the difference between pussy and parsley? I don't eat parsley. -Andrew ""Dice"" Clay"

"Moves shopping cart to allow car to park Lady doesn't even say thanks Puts cart back behind her car Leaves."

"What type of animals are put on envelopes? Seals."

"So a homeless guy asked me to give him $20 to hold him off until payday. I asked him when payday was, and he replied, ""How would I know, you're the one who's working."""

"If you hate awkward silences, then necrophilia isn't for you."

"[interrogation] Bad Cop: *face way too close to Shakira's waistline* tell me what I want to know"

"*cop slams bag of weed down on table* ""EXPLAIN."" ""its not mine officer i swea- ""oh quit the crap Bulbasaur we know you're the grass type"""