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Joke of the Day

"""Last Christmas"" is a strange song. It's been 12 months and we're just now addressing this situation?"

"Animals are better than people because they can't talk"

"A constipated man walks into the doctors office. The doctor tells him he's full of shit."

"Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off? He died instantly."

"I got fired from my job as a jihadist. They told me to blow up a bus, and I burnt my lips on the exaust pipe."

"I'm always behind the person at McDonald's who acts like they've never seen the menu in their life"

"Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, ""Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."" Helium doesn't react."

"""I can dish it out, but I can't take it."" - Lactose intolerant ice cream man"

"Now that robots move their limbs smoothly and with grace, I wonder how we're supposed to imitate them on the dance floor."

"I also do all my own stunts, but never intentionally."