138622

Joke of the Day

"Why does Dr Dre make headphones? Beats me."

"Willie Nelson, 81, found dead... He was playing 'On The Road Again'"

"2 Canadians are walking through the snow... The first one sees a boot in a nearby snowbank and says: ""Look, a boot"" The second one replies: ""About what?"""

"I keep my friends close *lean in, whisper* and my anemones closer ""Sir thats very fun but aquarium policy forbids sitting in the touch tank"""

"Why did the woman cross the road? Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?"

"What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel"

"[on plane] Me: It's ok, more ppl are killed by hippos than by plane crashes Pilot: This is your captain speaking, I'm a hippo btw Me: Nooooo"

"Boss: ""Are you texting?"" Me: ""No, I'm Tweeting."" Boss: ""What's the difference?"" Me: ""Texting would imply that I have friends."""

"Roses are red, violets are blue.. No, wait.. Fuck, now they're black."

"I told my doctor I was addicted to Twitter He said ""I don't follow you"""