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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a hotel with his family. He tells the clerk: ""I hope the porn is disabled."" The clerk replies: ""It's just regular porn you sick fuck. """

"The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren't me."

"*shows up to date with horse drawn carriage* ""I'm so surprised!"" Yes it's a terrible drawing of a carriage but he didn't have thumbs so"

"A man buys condoms at a drugstore ... The cashier asks ""You need a bag with this?"" and the man answers ""No! She's not *that* ugly!""."

"Reddit is really a green community, considering all the recycled content on here."

"Wife: y is a penguin w an umbrella in the- Me:*points to dog dressed as batman* so Bark Wayne isnt bored W: M: he needs an arch enemy, Karen"

"Bill Joe Armstrong (From Greenday) was walking down the street. A girl walked past him and said ""Wow, you smell amazing."" He replied: ""That's because I wore cologne, I wore cologne."""

"West Coast problems If you meet a vegan, and they do crossfit, which do they talk about first?"

"When a newly married woman smiles, all know why, but when a ten-years married woman smiles, all wonder why."

"Whenever I'm getting off a plane I like to go up to the pilot, lean in really close and whisper ""I had my phone on that whole time."""