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Joke of the Day

"I got my family banned from playing Family Feud today. The category was ""Describe your sex life with a Spongebob quote"" and apparently ""ARE YOU READY KIDS?"" was not the right answer."

"Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit."

"""Sorry, I have to take this call."" ""That's a banana. And it's half eaten."" *covers banana with hand ""I don't tell you how to do business."""

"""What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?"" Officer, ""Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."""

"Do you know why there's no casinos in Africa? Because there's too many CHEETAHS!"

"What do you get if you cross a dog with a blind mole ? A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tree !"

"A horse walks into a bar... ...He asks the bartender for a double whiskey. ""Why the long face?"" asks the bartender. The horse ponders his whiskey for a moment before he replies, ""My wife has cancer."""

"New Subway slogan idea from Jared 12 is the new 18"

"My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house.... I said Decepticons... She laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed I shot the toaster we all had a good time."

"Santa: What do you want for Christmas? Me: a dragon! Santa: noo, be realistic Me: a girlfriend Santa: * cough * what color do you want your girlfriend?"