102014

Joke of the Day

"""What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?"" Officer, ""Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."""

"What do you call a group of militant feminists? A Militia Etheridge"

"Why don't blind people like to go skydiving? It scares their seeing-eye dog."

"Just saw the hood of my jacket out of the corner of my eye and jumped out of the way, in case the Navy SEALS are hiring."

"""Doc,"" I said, ""every time I fart the room fills with smoke and stinks of petrol. What's the matter with me?"" ""That's easy,"" he said. ""You're exhausted."""

"Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants"

"My wife asked me to get the house ready as her friend is sleeping here tonight so as an optimist our bed now has 3 pillows."

"What is the difference between a peeping tom and a pickpocket? A pickpocket snatches watches"

"When my kids get older I'm going to discourage them from drinking.This way if I need a liver I can just harvest one of theirs."

"Some people need therapy. ... The rest of us just know how to conceal evidence"