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Joke of the Day
"If I ever lose my phone I want Liam Neeson looking for it"
Next Joke
"Why are books the only thing advertised as ""Wherever books are sold."" You can't sell other stuff by saying ""Wherever you get this shit, IDK"""
"Anyone looking for a job should consider becoming an elephant circumsiser... ... the pay isn't too great, but the tips are enormous!"
"I almost forgot to wish a happy St. Patty's day to... ...Barack O'Bama Got this from Neil deGrasse Tyson's Twitter."
"Here lies IcarusIsNotLonely, upon his gravestone lie his last words: ""Oh fuck, a car!"""
"There's something I should tell you... ""Oh god what is it"" I have crabs ""NOOO"" *holds up two crabs* ""Oh I thought you meant-"" And HIV ""NOOO"""
"Grandma keeps staring longingly through the window since it started snowing... ...Maybe It's time to let her back inside."
"Was it bad? To yell at my gf if I should dig up hitler to show her how to use an oven"
"Why did the oak tree get his girlfriend pregnant? Because the state abolished plant parenthood"
"What do you call a Mexican without a car... carlos"